Higher Learning
Feelings of inadequacy, and the selfless feelings of never being able to work hard enough, never being able to do enough. Feelings like the life set out in front of you wasn’t your own. Fear of letting down the ones that paved that path, laid out in front of you like a meal you didn’t order.
There were signs, acting out, cherry bombs in the basement, driving down sidewalks and later feeling like the sad clown. BGSU had nothing for him, Howard’s wasn’t handing out degrees.
For Rick, the only way out, was to set out hitchhiking across the county. He could not face his parents, he could not tell them he hated college, he had no desire to be there.
Story goes, that he and a friend hitchhiked from Bowling Green, Ohio and made it to San Francisco, California in 3 rides. In 2023 that act seems absurd, and hella dangerous. In the fall of 1962 all I can think of is an Animal House type road trip. I am not sure if the trip was a simple act of defiance, or a premeditated act to be as far away from his parents as he could when he told them he was dropping out of BGSU. I surmise that since his friend reportedly stayed in San Francisco, it may have actually been his idea to go.
Once in San Fran, Rick phoned his parents to let them know he would not be returning to college.
Here is where assumptions and lack of insight add up to collateral damage.
As long as I knew Rick, he harbored guilt and feelings of being inadequate in the eyes of his parents. It is also where the mystery lives. I never had a relationship with Rick’s parents. I never was able to get their perspective. Maybe they were pissed, maybe there was yelling and screaming. I assume that while upset, Rick’s father was probably very understanding, and maybe his mother felt some shame or failure as a parent. Hard to know for sure.
The point is that right or wrong, this experience biased Rick, and it set in to motion a pattern of behavior that shaped many lives other than his own,
Rick hitchhiked back towards home. Landing in Cincinnati where his sister was attending college. From there he made it back home and started a life in the construction industry.
The irony that although he struggled with his own self worth and thought there was no way around the stigma of a college dropout, Rick had the patience of a saint and gave of his time to any and all.
Mitch Dillard
DTSPress